Have you ever been noticed by someone that you haven’t seen in a really long time? And you just tried to play it cool by giving that person a simple gesture? But then that person catches you off guard as they take your gesture and turn it into a “give me some love” types of gestures?
I know that’s a weird scenario, but please stick with me, as I have one of the craziest stories to tell, about how a man hug turned into a trip to the hospital...
It was the Sunday right before school started. My roommate and I were moving things from our old apartment to our new apartment. I was in the process of moving my posters from place to place.
My hands were tied up from carrying the posters, and I needed to bring some thumbtacks so I could hang up the posters. I couldn’t find the little box for the thumbtacks, and I wasn’t going to put the thumbtacks in my Jordan shorts’ pocket and have them prick at my knee while I was walking with the box to my new place.
(You’re probably thinking, “Walking, with the box? Didn’t you move to a new apartment?” I did move to a new apartment, just in the plushier part of the same complex. The apartments were within walking distance of each other. )
So, I put a couple of the thumbtacks in my mouth while I was walking with the posters. (You know, kind of like when you put a nail in between your teeth when you’re hammering something in?)
I know...stupid decision!
Well, I almost get to my apartment when someone from a distance yells out, “Mikey Smith?” At first, I’m thinking, “who the hell is that?” But finally as the silhouette draws nearer, I realize it’s this guy Joey DelChiaro, who I haven’t seen, for like, 4 years since senior year of high school.
I tried to give him a cool little hand shake and keep it moving as I was in the process of trying to move things. Well, he takes my hand shake offering and turns it into a man hug, and boy was I caught off guard! I still had the thumbtacks in my mouth, and on impact of the man hug, one of the thumbtacks got stuck in my throat! I started choking as I was trying to prevent the thumbtack from going down the pipes, but it was too late! I swallowed the thumbtack!
I was sitting in my room after, thinking, maybe I should go to a hospital?
An hour later, I manage to make my way to Mercy Hospital on J Street. After sitting in the emergency room, waiting, for what felt like an eternity, the doctor finally brought me in to take some x-rays. When we got into the x-ray room he admitted to me, “You, know when I first saw the incident report, and it said that you swallowed a thumbtack, I was thinking, and don’t take this the wrong way, ‘Is this guy mentally retarded?” Even the nurse had asked me earlier if I had swallowed the thumbtack as a stunt for you tube.
I felt like such a jack-ass. The hospital staff couldn’t believe the truth. Even my friends and family got a laugh out of it.
Throughout the week following, I analyzed every bowel movement to see if I had passed the damn thumbtack. To this day I still haven’t seen it! Who knows where it is?
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5 comments:
AAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA...I'm sorry, that really does suck, but your story is soo hilarious! I'm at work trying to hold the laughter! Not only was it hilarious, I could actually see you telling the story! Over all your blog was good, very descriptive! I'm having a hard time w/ these specific columns because we're using first person, I'm still trying to get used to it!
Oh wow, like Nakdiejolle said I can definitely see you telling this story. My throat actually kind of hurt, too.
It flowed well after the first read, maybe a little too many commas? Anyway, good story.. bad ending..
hope you find it one day :/
Nakdiejolle??? What the heck Erikdoietjc :( We are NO LONGER FRIENDS!!!!! Be we can still be friend Michael, after all you the tack still hasn't been found! :/
haha analyzing bowel movements sounds like a "load" of fun.. damn bro
Perhaps the best line in the whole column is:
"Throughout the week following, I analyzed every bowel movement to see if I had passed the damn thumbtack."
In this case, the lack of specifics spares the reader some visuals that we really don't need.
Of course, exactly how the columnst did analyze his, um.... stool remains a mystery.
Perhaps we will hear about it on the radio.
Overall, a good, readable column.
My only suggestion would be to forget the early paragraph and the graf that says 'stick with me' and instead just launch into the Great Thumbtack Chewing Incident.
It could have actually started at the end (sorry, bad pun) like this.
=============
"I spent seven days checking every single dump I took, looking to make sure I passed the thumb tack I swallowed just before school started.
A thumb tack?
Yup. I was looking for a thumb tack I swallowed when an old buddy came up and gave me a big man hug while I had a mouthful of thumbtacks.
A mouthful of thumbtacks?
Yup, but let me explain..."
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At least now if this writer screams in class, we will know it's not just the material.
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